I heard we made out
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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