Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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