Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
