two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
