piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just cut my nipple shaving
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
