I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
