I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
