i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
