I wish my penis had an off switch
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
MIDGETS
????
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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