Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
