hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
