Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
