I faked an abortion last night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
