I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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