I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
