Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
