I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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