He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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