You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
