Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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