peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
