He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
