genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
