My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize