The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I checked into jail on foursquare
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
