walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
