I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
