You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
we made out on top of his cat.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
