pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
