Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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