My brain says no but my pants say off.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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