call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
