If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
