Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
