her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
