we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
