Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
