Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
