You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
