Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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