if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
