naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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