I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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