How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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