dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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