Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
