Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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