Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
