GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
