The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
