So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it glows. i had to have it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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