so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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