i permit you to call me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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