Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
