I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
