Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
