True but thats because hes a fetus.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
