I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
