Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
