i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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