Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
