Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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