I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
