You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
