Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
